My Colonoscopy
©By Grady L. Duncan ~ 1/17/2009

On my last visit to the doctor, he gave me some terrible news.
“It’s time to have a colonoscopy. Tell me, what day do you choose?”

I said; “Since it is up to me, the best time that comes to mind;
we can do it the 31st of February. That day would suit me just fine.”

My sense of humor was wasted, for he set a date on his own.
After scheduling it with “O.R.”, he got Pharmacy on the phone.

He explained, to me, the process; the whole gruesome ordeal.
I would rather have not known all the things that he revealed.

They should use this process, to extract information from terrorists.
It would get them singing quicker. Such torture they couldn’t resist.

The part about the hose thing, and the inflation to 20 psi.;
just the thought of such extremes, would make a grown man cry.

He said, “Pick up the prep kit, and follow the directions on the label.
I’ll see you in the “O.R.”, if and when you are able.”

Complying with the doctor’s orders, I picked up the prep kit as told.
The pharmacist gave me a jug while saying, “God have mercy on your soul.”

Puzzled by his sympathetic comments; my mind suddenly filled with dread.
I soon understood his reasoning, as the instruction label was read.

“Pour ingredients into the container; add water up to the line.
Shake mixture thoroughly until all the ingredients combine.”

“Refrigerate before ingesting.  Let contents chill all day long.
Ingest one cup every ten minutes until contents are gone.”

Four liters is more than a gallon.  I wondered if it could be done.
By the time you finish one cup, it’s time to down another one.

The time had finally arrived!  I must consume that horrible brew.
I would look as if I were pregnant, before the process was through.

The taste was that of sea water, with a cherry dunked in for flavor.
Unfit for human consumption; the taste, only a vulture would savor.

Now I understand how it possible, to consume should a vast amount.
It doesn’t linger along the way, but moves on like a free flowing fount.

The stomach says, “No stopping here, move it on down the line.”
“Make room for more of the concoction.  Move on! Quit wasting my time.”

Suddenly, I felt a twisting and grumbling coming from deep down inside;
Like two trains on the same track, just before they were going to collide.

My stomach and guts were fussing, neither wanting to receive such a brew.
I felt as if I would explode, before their argument was through.

Clear the way!  It’s coming!  Whatever happens, I’m not to blame!
There’s going to be an eruption, which will put Mt. St. Helen to shame.

Aaah! I barely made it, without one second to spare
I had to hold on to something so I wouldn't rise into the air.

The commode filled so quickly it didn’t need to be flushed.
The commotion that followed was so horrendous I think I blushed.

The concoction was only half finished.  I still had more to go.
As one cup went in, two cups came out, in one continuous flow. 

I figured out the ingredients, the pharmaceutical mix must be;
One part Epson Salts, one of gun power and two parts TNT.

I felt I’d turn inside out, thus nullifying the need for the test.
With my luck that wouldn’t happen, I needed to endure the rest.

The prep was finally complete, and now the day had arrived.
Somehow I had gotten through it, somehow I had survived.

I was weak as a kitten by now, I had no strength to resist.
The nurse gave me an injection, and the rest of the process, I missed.

So, have no fear when the doctor tells you that it is your turn.
Just reflect on what I shared with you, and what I had to learn.

(The hardest part of any task is not doing the task itself,
but the preparation.)
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